Here’s How to Get Nudes Like a Gentleman
As the rise of smartphones has gifted everyone with a high-quality camera in their pocket, it’s hardly surprising that snapping nudes has become a common occurrence in modern life.
Frankly, at this point, taking one is pretty pedestrian. Are you even dating if you haven’t sent, received, forwarded, saved, edited, deleted, masturbated to, or otherwise interacted with a few nude pictures of people you know or have met online?
Sexy photos have shifted from being the intensely scandalous unique province of porn stars to something people from all walks of life take part in, whether you’re a movie star, high-profile politician, or an average Joe.
To a degree, it’s a normal and healthy evolution. The human body is nothing to inherently be ashamed of — we all have one, and under our clothes, well, we’re naked. And if we’re really being honest with each other, a lot of us want to see other people naked and would like some other people to see us naked, too.
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Nudes are a digital peace offering in the giant battle that is the horniness and loneliness of human consciousness. “Here I am, naked and vulnerable,” a nude says. “I hope this makes you happy.”
Of course, not all nudes are sent (or received) in such philanthropic terms. Sometimes nudes are sent specifically to offend or shock, and sometimes, they offend or shock without meaning to. You only have to listen to women taking issue with unsolicited dick pics for so long before you realize that the nude picture economy is one fraught with unpleasantness.
With all the focus on whether to send or not, one aspect that many guys might not be aware of is that, as a whole, men are bad at responding to nudes. That might seem relatively unimportant, but an underwhelming reaction to a sexy pic can derail an otherwise promising courtship faster than you can screenshot a Snapchat.
Read on to learn just how to handle getting a nude — and how to respond like a total pro.
Don’t Wait to Respond
“I’d never sent pictures of myself to anyone before, at least not nude pics. I’d bought lingerie, did my hair, looked real cute, snapped some pics and sent them over. I didn’t get a text back for two days. When he finally texted me, it was, ‘Hey, sorry I haven’t been around.’ It was definitely a ‘what the f–k’ moment.” – M.B., 25
When it comes to dating, if you think you’ll seem even slightly more impressive by waiting to respond, think again. A lot of guys screw up responding to a nude by just not responding quickly enough.
“If someone sends you a nude, don’t go into a meeting and not respond for a few hours,” cautions sex educator Kenneth Play. “If they took the effort to send you a sexy pic, give them the effort back by responding quickly.”
If someone likes you and trusts you enough to send you a nude, they’re signaling that you don’t need to play it cool any longer. Do yourselves a favor and respond as soon as you can — and be prepared to have a good excuse if you don’t.
Don’t Make Demands
“They didn’t like that it wasn’t a full nude. Straight up they were, like, mad.” – Sara, 29
“I once sent a guy nudes and he asked for a close up pic of my vag. Like, full-on spread open.” – Esther, 30
Receiving a nude — hell, receiving any kind of sexy pic — is a gift. It’s not something you earned or deserved, it’s actually something someone sent to you because they felt you were worthy of it.
You might look at a picture you’ve been sent and feel a bit disappointed that it’s not more arousing. But if you’re used to watching mainstream porn online, you have to remember that a nude is a completely different beast. Sure, it might not be as immediately satisfying as you’re used to, but it’s also unique and handcrafted just for you.
Think of it like eating a home-cooked meal instead of a fast-food burger. You wouldn’t tell the person to make it more like McDonald’s, would you?
Don’t Joke or Be Rude
“He made a stupid joke instead of engaging with my sexy pic in a real way.” – Danielle, 26
Another way some guys try to play it cool is by acting like the nude is no big deal. They might comment on something in the background rather than the naked person in the photo, or otherwise try to make light of the situation.
That’s not going to fly with most senders. Someone you’ve been flirting with might be used to you trying to be funny, but someone who sent you a nude for the first time is almost certainly not looking to laugh.They’re in a vulnerable moment, having just shared something very intimate with you. Odds are they’re looking for you to acknowledge the effect it had on you.
Of course, the equation changes slightly if the nude was unsolicited and you’re feeling weird about receiving it, but being a jerk is almost always the wrong move.
If you get a nude from someone you didn’t want one from, either ignore it completely or politely say “no thanks.”
Be Complimentary!
“I don’t send nudes until through flirtation it has been very clear that they’re down to sext because [getting a bad response] is my greatest fear.” – Lou, 27
The best move you can make when it comes to getting a nude is to be complimentary. If you like the nude, and/or if you like the person who sent it, let them know!
“Give a sophisticated compliment. No ‘nice tits,’” warns Play. “Use sophisticated language. I often say something like, ‘I love the curve of your lower back and how it moves down into your beautiful butt.’ Add some poetry to it.”
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That doesn’t mean you have to whip out a feather pen and start scrawling a rhyming verse. But it means you get bonus points for sending a compliment that stands out, that’s memorable, and that shows you really appreciated the picture.
Don’t Follow Up With Your Own Nude
“I was sexting with someone once and she sent a gorgeous nude. I responded right away with a dick pic and she was like, ‘Actually I didn’t want to see a dick, I was just sharing my own nude.’ It definitely killed the mood and I really regretted not asking first.” — Eric, 30
If you just received a rockin’ nude and you’re feeling aroused, you might want to send one of your own right back. That might not be such a great idea, however, warns Play.
“Just because they’ve sent you one,” he says, “doesn’t mean they’ve asked for one. Don’t respond to their nude with a dick pic.” Now, if they ask for one, the choice is yours.
That might not seem fair, but as with all sexual things, consent is non-transferrable. Just because someone said yes to one thing (sending a nude) doesn’t mean they’re saying yes to another specific one — or any other things.
If you’re inspired to respond in kind, just ask first. If you’re in the clear, the other person won’t be shy about saying yes.
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Also, it’s important to stress this: Naked (or otherwise sexual) pictures are sensitive information. In a world of hacks, leaks, and viral videos, something that was meant for one or two sets of eyes at most can quickly become water cooler fodder for the whole world.
However tempting it might be to share a nude you got with someone else, don’t do it. In fact, deleting any nudes you get so they can’t be hacked or stolen from your device is a pretty smart move. Not only is that super shady and unkind, in most of the United States, it’s also illegal.
Now, keeping these tips in mind, go forth and expertly respond to all those nudes.
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