Prefer Calling to Texting in a Dating Context? Here’s How to Navigate It
It’s no secret that texting has largely replaced phone calls as the main mode of communication for daters.
In fact, a recent survey showed that a whopping 75% of millennials prefer texting to talking on the phone — mainly because it can happen on their own schedule, and it’s less disruptive than a voice call.
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Call us old-fashioned, but we’re still big proponents of picking up the phone — on certain occasions, that is. But before you go dialing your date’s number, experts say there are certain rules you should definitely keep in mind.
The Importance of Phone Calls in Dating
“The choice between calling and texting extends beyond mere convenience — it’s about the kind of connection you aim to foster and how you intend to cultivate it,” explains Jillian Romero Chaves, founder and CEO at Clara for Daters relationship management app.
As Chaves points out, calling offers a unique intimacy and immediacy that texting often lacks. Hearing the nuances in tone in each other’s voices not only allows for deeper intimacy, but it also can ensure more accurate emotion and reaction gauging, thus reducing the opportunity for misunderstandings.
On the other hand, texting has its own advantages — you can take your time in crafting a thoughtful response and is a little less intimidating in the early stages of dating.
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Whether you just went on a first date or you’ve been seeing someone for a couple of months, following phone call etiquette can go a long way in paving the way for a successful relationship.
So, with that in mind, be sure to heed the following golden rules when picking up the phone:
Rules for Phone Calls When Dating Someone
1. Be Mindful of Their Schedule
This might go without saying, but if your date works the night shift, it’s not a great idea to give them a call at 10 a.m. when they’re finally getting some much-needed rest. Likewise, you shouldn’t call someone who works a 9-to-5 office job at 3 p.m. and expect them to pick up.
“Before dialing, take a moment to think about the other person’s schedule,” says Bretton Key, CEO of Date Jar. “Avoid calling during work hours or late at night. It’s a simple gesture that shows you care about their time and sets a positive tone for your interactions.”
2. Be Clear on Boundaries and Preferences
Experts agree across the board — the more information you have about when and how your date likes to communicate, the better.
“We live in a world with many ways to chat — so why stress over texting, calling, or sending smoke signals?” explains Key. “Just ask your date how they like to roll. It’s brilliant because, believe it or not, they might be all about emails or even old-school letters. Who knows?”
Key suggests taking a direct approach and asking,
“Hey, what’s your go-to way of staying in touch?”
You can also ask them if there are certain times of day when phone calls are welcome, or when texting might be easier.
This simple question provides you with valuable information — but it also demonstrates that you genuinely care about what’s comfortable and convenient for them.
“The goal is to establish open, honest communication that nurtures genuine connections and respects each other’s preferences and boundaries,” says Chaves. “By being mindful of how we communicate and adapting to each other’s communication styles, we can deepen our connections and foster healthier relationships.”
3. Send a Pre-Call Text
Relationship coach Lee Wilson recommends texting your date first to find out whether it’s a good time to call — especially if you’re in the early stages of getting to know each other, and haven’t really established a routine or aren’t fully informed about their schedule.
This move is particularly important before making a FaceTime call, says Wilson, since it’s way more intimate. If your date is still at work, is just rolling out of bed, or just got out of the shower, they may not feel prepared to be seen on video.
4. Call for Post-Date Follow-Ups
Let your date know if you had a great first date. And while a follow-up text can certainly suffice, a phone call will make you stand out.
“Call after the first date if you’re still interested in the person,” says Jackie Golob, a sex therapist and relationship expert. “It doesn’t have to be the next day, especially if it’s the weekend. But give that person you’re excited about a call and ask how their weekend was too. This allows for a nice flow of conversation and open-ended questions.”
There’s no need to ask them out on a second date right away, says Golob — which may come across as too eager. Play things by ear and if the conversation goes well, you can ask them out before getting off the phone or follow up again over text in a few days.
RELATED: How to Follow Up After a First Date
5. Call for Complex Conversations
In some cases, texting just makes more sense, says Key — for instance, when asking what time your date will be ready to meet up for dinner, or letting them know where you made a reservation.
Another good example? When you’re sending those quick good morning or goodnight texts.
“Texting is perfect for non-intrusive communication, where you want to show attentiveness or make someone feel seen without needing a full-on call,” explains Key. “It’s like leaving a little note, creating a connection without interrupting the flow of the day.”
Dr. Betsy Chung, a clinical psychologist and relationship expert at RAW dating app, adds that it’s best to always use the same mode of communication that your date used in any given interaction. So, if they texted you, you’ll probably want to respond over text — unless the situation warrants
When you’re just trying to set simple plans or confirm details, texting is probably preferable for most. Also, if a person texts you, you’ll probably want to respond via text. If it’s a deeper topic you’d prefer to speak about via phone or in person, communicate that in a text response.
And when in doubt, you can always try a voice note.
Voice notes are great for situations when you have more to say than would fit in a single text, but you don’t want to potentially bother them while they’re busy — because they can listen to them on their own time. That said, Chung advises keeping voice notes pretty brief since they’re one-sided — ideally, only as long as a typical voicemail.
6. Don’t Call for No Reason
While calling someone just to chat may work in long-term relationships or friendships, if you’re just getting to know each other, it might not be the move. Before you hit the dial button, Key recommends first making sure there’s a clear reason for calling.
RELATED: 3 Ways to Keep Her Interested on the Phone
“This adds structure to the conversation and helps avoid awkward silences,” he explains. “Whether you’re planning an outing, sharing something interesting, or simply catching up, having a purpose shows intention.”
7. Check In Before Launching Into a Full Conversation
Before you say anything—even asking how their day went or whether they’re free on Friday — there’s one question you need to pose first. According to Key, that’s: “Is now (still) a good time to talk?”
This gives them an out if they’re right in the middle of finishing up a work-related task, sitting down to dinner, or otherwise distracted.
“If they’re busy or unresponsive, be understanding and suggest a more suitable time,” Key tells AskMen. “It’s the golden ticket to avoiding the friend zone and steering clear of any self-absorbed vibes.”
8. Consider the Stage of the Relationship
According to experts, how often you call — or how long your phone calls last — should all depend on how long you’ve been seeing someone.
“Early in the dating process, it’s wise to limit calls unless you’ve both expressed a preference for it,” says Kayden Roberts, dating coach and CMO of CamGo. “As the relationship progresses, calls can become more spontaneous. This gradual approach respects personal boundaries and comfort levels with phone communication.”
Chavez also notes that having too many lengthy phone conversations before you ever meet in person can create a sense of false intimacy. Before you get in too deep, it’s best to meet in real life for a more accurate gauge of your chemistry and compatibility.
RELATED: The Difference Between Attraction and Compatibility
9. Use the Phone as a Pre-Date Assessment
“For the sake of safety and authenticity, schedule a call or FaceTime before your first date,” says Chavez.
This is especially crucial if you met on a dating app or site.
“It helps verify the identity of the person and ensures you’re not falling victim to a catfish situation,” she adds.
Roberts agrees that a call can be beneficial before a first meeting. It can be brief, says Roberts — really, all you’re trying to do is make sure the person is who they say they are, and ease the tension while establishing an initial sense of comfort.
“It can ease the anxiety of meeting someone new,” says Roberts.
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