4 Things You Should Keep in Mind Before Visiting a Gay Bar
Str8Curious is a monthly AskMen column where out and proud lifestyle expert Joey Skladany answers burning questions from heterosexual men about sex, dating, and the LGBTQ+ community. No topic is off limits as he candidly lends advice, debunks stereotypes, and gives it to you straight — err — gay. Should you be interested in submitting a question for editorial consideration (and we will respect anonymity), feel free to ping Joey directly on Instagram or email him at [email protected]).
The Question
I am thinking about going to my very first gay bar, but I don’t know what to expect. Is it weird to go alone? Will I actually meet someone? I’d love any tips because I’m quite nervous and I’m not sure why. – Roland, Chicago, IL
The Answer
Nerves are A-OK, babe. It’s natural to feel uncomfortable when thrusting yourself (maybe even literally) into a foreign environment with strangers.
Plus, if you’re newly out or exploring, a gay bar is the one place where the public will immediately identify you as queer — a label that can be jarring and somewhat difficult to accept if newly affixed.
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That said, gay bars are safe spaces for queer people and meant to be places where you can be 100-percent yourself… without judgment.
Of course, superficial gays and straight bachelorettes in hideous white Bebe dresses can ruin the fun for everyone, but that’s a risk we take with practically anywhere we go, and it shouldn’t deter you from having a good time.
As someone who has seen his fair share of gay bars from all over the world, here are a handful of tips to keep in mind.
1. It’s Fine to Go Alone, but Consider a Wingman
The awkwardness of approaching a cute boy or waiting for a cute boy to approach you can feel particularly heavy if seated by yourself at the end of a long bar.
Consider bringing a friend to help break the ice and maybe even encourage you to make a first move with the dude you’ll inevitably be eye-banging from across the room.
RELATED: Top 10 Traits of a Good Wingman
2. Don’t Feel Pressure to Get Super Intoxicated
Gays sip vodka soda like its an eternal youth elixir. And while getting buzzed is fun, getting piss-drunk is not. If your experience ends with you throwing up in an alley or pooping your pants in an Uber, chances are likely that you will only associate gay bars with negativity.
The reality is that you’re to blame for poor decision-making — and not the people who kicked your ass out for being disorderly.
3. Every Gay Bar Is Different
You may stumble into an establishment where the vibe feels completely off. Don’t be discouraged!
Many gay bars are tailored around different types of people and preferences. There are gay sports bars, gay clubs, gay lounges, gay bars for leather bears, gay bars for twinks who want to sing Ariana Grande at the top of their lungs, gay bars for sugar daddies…the list goes on and on.
Do some research beforehand to get a better sense of the clientele. And if you’re somewhere and hate it, then leave and go to the next one. Sometimes half the fun is playing Goldilocks and bopping from bar to bar until you find the right fit.
And last, but perhaps most important:
4. Gay Bars Are Meant to Be Safe Spaces
Many patrons, like you, will feel uncomfortable. In fact, they may not even be out. Refrain from casting any type of judgment and don’t treat people like spectacles. You’ll meet drag queens, trans people, non-binary people, lesbians, and those who don’t fit the conventional molds that society loves to force us into. Have fun, embrace everybody around you, and remember that we’re all there with the same goal: acceptance.
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